Placing Them On A Pedestal Doesn’t Make Them Perfect

Pedestalizing – The act of placing your mate, loved one, child, friend, co-worker or acquaintance on a pedestal; only to discover that they are not Perfect.

When we gain enough courage and open up our hearts to new friendships, relationships, and partnerships, we are making the conscious choice to love/trust again. In the beginning everything is picture perfect and the honeymoon phase is in full bloom. But for some instead of engaging in healthy, productive relationships, friendships or partnerships, they pedalstilize their new mate, friend or partner. And during this time we ignore truths, turn a blind eye to the obvious and walk in ignorance. And for those of us who have endured many heartbreaks, let downs and disappointments, we tend to place our new mate, partner or “friend” on a pedestal. By placing our new mate, partner or “friend” on a pedestal we run the risk of being bamboozled and hurt, let down or disappointed yet again.

So the question is why do we pedalstilize or new mates, friends and partners? Is our fear of being let down, hurt, rejected and disappointed so deeply imbedded within, that we are willing to accept anything and live with lies? Are we so broken within that we tell ourselves that we will not endure another failed friendship, relationship or partnership, so we choose to live in ignorant bliss?

The problem with Pedestalizing someone is that we accept anything b/c of our fears. When we choose to place our new friend, mate or partner on a pedestal we are doing it for our own benefit. It allows us to keep running from our fears and keeps us from facing the truth about ourselves; which is perhaps we are not yet ready to engage in new relationships, partnerships or friendships. Perhaps we have not yet dealt with why our previous relationships, partnerships or friendships did not work and the part that we played in their demise. And perhaps we are not yet ready to love/trust again and instead should be focused on conquering the fears that have our hearts & emotions bound.

Wendy Whitmore MS LMFT & Life Coach

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2 thoughts on “Blog

  1. have a son, who I put through law school. I only have one son. He met a young lady in law shool and they married 8 years ago. She is from an affluent family. I was divorced from my sons father during his second year of law school after 28 years of marriage due to his father having an affair. My son was married and as soon as that wedding was over, my ex married the female he had the affair with. My daughter in law has always been partial to the second wife. I have tried over and over to warm up to my DIL but nothing works. I am still single. My ex and his new wife are treated totally different than I am. They are wined and dined when they are visiting. I get to babysit. That’s it. Recently they made a trip to Disneyland and posted pictures on a social media of them with my son’s father and new wife, and her parents. I was totally left out of that family trip. It hurt very very very much to see those pictures and it is a reminder of what his dad did to me and it feels like I am being purposefully pushed out of the family. My son has become a multi millionaire. He gave his dad a job and his dad is also very wealthy. His new wife has never worked. My DIL has never worked. I have worked for 39 years with many years yet to go. I asked my son to at least call me once a week for 10 minutes. Nothing. I don’t even get a Mothers Day card. All these things hurt. If I try to talk about any of this I am accused of causing drama. I am not sure what to do at this point as it just makes me feel sick to my stomach continuously. I should say that my son doesn’t offer anything nor does he ask if I am doing ok. I certainly would not ask or take anything but it would be nice if he would show some concern. Help.

    • Hi Jackie
      I apologize for the delay in responding to you; I’ve been involved in caregiving issues with my husband. I understand your anger and frustration. Have you thought about going to a therapist? I have found that to be immensely helpful for me, as well as doing this blog. You can have a private blog too to vent out. One thing I’ve learned is people will hurt you but I learned to reframe things and walk away from family. Walking away from my family has been one of the healthiest things I have ever done. I wish you well on your journey.